How To Cook Your Cat

A Recipe Book Of Fine Kitty Cuisine

Today's Menu:

First Course:
Baked Cat On The Half Shell, Shrimp Cat Cocktail, or Soup Du Cat

Second Course:
House or Wild Cat Salad

Entrees:
Porcini-Crusted Cat
Grilled Cat
Catter Schnitzel
Penne Primakitty
Horseradish-Crusted Sea Cat
Broiled Cat (Pistachio-Crusted w/Orange Sauce)
Maryland Lump Catcakes

Desserts:
Cat (in season)
Cat Bread Pudding
Upside Down Pineapple Cat Cake
Coconut Cat
Kitty Strudel
Chocolate Moose Cat


###


Today's featured recipe

Boiled Cat:

Boil one whole cat for 15 minutes, or until stops moving. Drain well. Salt and pepper to taste, and serve with white wine, fried potatoes, garden salad, and vegetable.



###

Cat Countdown

Cat Countdown

Cat Countdown

The Truth About Cats

We humans love our pets. They offer us warmth and companionship. They are our confidants. Our bosom buddies. Our partners in life. They support us in all our endeavors. They don't talk back. Well, most of the time, anyway. They are family. No one can deny their impact on our daily lives. Their love is obviously unconditional. Or is it?

Let me fill you in on the real truth. While some pets are safe to keep around, there is one that must never be trusted: The cat. Oh sure, they seem all nice and cuddly, the way they cozy on up to you when you come home. What they are really doing, is marking you as their territory, or more accurately, their prey.

Cats are very clever, and conniving. They'll keep you around because they need the food, but just see what happens when they think that the food has run out. That's right. Owner stew.

Cats haven't survived this long, strictly through the benevolence of their human caretakers. Rather, they are experts in mind control. It's easy to see, as one observes the interaction between a cat and its human host. Let the cat in, let the cat out. In.. out.. in.. out.. Change the litter.. More food.. Put Bach on the radio... Cats are very demanding indeed.

Not as commonly known, are the impact of cats on a global scale. For example, there are many who believe that World War I was caused by a cat. Was it truly a human who assassinated Archduke Ferdinand? There were eyewitnesses who swore that they saw him assassinated by his own cat. Mysteriously, none of those people are still alive today. Coincidence? I think not.

You probably think that the United Nations was a human invention. Nonsense. President Woodrow Wilson was known to bring his cat Arthur with him to the negotiations that resulted in the Treaty of Versailles. Had Wilson not become ill, no doubt the League of Nations would have become a reality. Still, once cats were in the White House, it was just a matter of time. By the end of the second world war, every member of congress had a cat. Stalin, Churchill, Truman, every influential political figure. The United Nations is nothing more than a vehicle for cats to dominate humans on a global scale.

War and poverty are but a way to control the human population. Space exploration, a plan by cats to colonize the entire galaxy.

There are those who think I'm crazy for believing these things. Oh, they call me names like "lunatic", or they just say nothing, and back away with that look on their faces, but they are controlled by cats. They say that a cat couldn't fire a pistol, or dial a telephone, or forge a President's signature. They say, "What possible motivation could a cat have had for causing the Great Depression?" Believe me, they have their reasons.

So don't give me that "crazy" nonsense. You just wait until the year 2130, when on the other side of the cosmos, some alien creature is letting the cat in, letting the cat out, changing the litter, putting Bach on the radio...

###

Lampshade Cat

Cat